Fear can make us do incredible things. And when I say incredible, I don’t mean awe-inspiring, miraculous feats that make our friends and family proud. I mean incredible as in unbelievable things that make our friends and family shake their heads in disbelief and make ourselves feel small, incapable, and not enough.
This past year hasn’t been my favorite year. It started out well: my son and I were on the cover of a magazine, for goodness sake! I started the year on fire! But then life happened, as we say. Fierce, crushing, bad things happened. I talked to God about these things. We had words. Well me, mostly. I gave Him a few seconds to get a word in edgewise, but all I heard was silence.
The really bad things in life stay with me. I carry them with me where ever I go. (And sometimes I pull a Taylor Swift and write about them. Be thankful I can’t carry a tune, folks!) The bad things in life shape and mold me like no amount of veggies and cardio can do. Well, that is, assuming I tried those things. The bad things in life change my perspective in a negative way and suck hope out of every situation I’m in. And this was exactly the mindset I had when I went in for a mammogram last week.
Now being 41, this was my second rodeo in the mammography section of the clinic. And I’ll confess, I was scared. The upcoming, uncomfortable procedure didn’t elevate my blood pressure. It was the upcoming results that did.
I had no physical reason to worry about the results. No physical reason at all. But my brain didn’t get that message. Instead, I just kept thinking, “They’re going to find something. This is going to be the cherry on top of this crappy year.” I mean really, what else would you say to yourself when you have a mammogram at the end of a really hard year?
The procedure started out fine – it was uncomfortable and unpleasant, just as I knew to expect. Toward the end of the procedure, I told the technician, “I, um, don’t feel very good.” I wished a fan was blowing directly on me because I needed air…bad. And after that, my memory is a little fuzzy.
Is it possible to faint and still stand upright? Because I think that’s what happened. As I mentioned, I was having a MAMMOGRAM done…so um, well…a sensitive part of my body was still trapped in medical equipment. And my arm was holding on to the side of the machine, as I had been instructed. So I couldn’t fall back and faint. My weight was leaning into the machine.
But suddenly the technician was right by my side, and helping me down to the ground. (She apparently freed the body part that was trapped in said medical equipment.) Two other technicians were now in the room. They covered me up, and lifted my head off the floor so I could drink some orange juice. The technician asked me if I get light headed when I get blood drawn. In between gulps of OJ, I said yes.
“Next time you come in for a mammogram, you need to say that,” the technician said.
OK. Noted.
And now I’ll move into the public service announcement portion of this blog post and tell ladies that if you get light headed when you give blood samples, you should tell your X-ray technician that right away when you go get a mammogram. Right away. Lead with that information, ladies. They’ll let you sit during the procedure! And if you do happen to pass out, they tell me it’s normal and happens all the time. (This has to be the truth…right??) And hey, you’ll get a cool, refreshing can of OJ totally free!
Mammograms are uncomfortable and slightly painful. But that’s not what made me hit the floor. It was the fear. When you tell yourself, “They’re going to find something. This is going to be the cherry on top of this crappy year,” you will no doubt have a memorable mammogram experience like I did. The fear will eat at your body and shut it down, just like mine did.
Fear does incredible things to our bodies…and to our lives. It stops us from sending in that college application, taking that job, going on that trip, saying “yes” to that opportunity, or chasing that dream, you know, the dream that everyone else laughed at.
God apparently knew we’d have trouble with this fear thing. Over and over again in the Bible, God tells us to not be afraid. For example, in Joshua 1:9 God says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Let’s remember these words as we head into 2019. I may need them tattooed somewhere. (But, um, I’m not a fan of uncomfortable procedures. Or fainting.) Be brave. Don’t listen to the fear. I’m excited to see what will happen, and who we will be. Let’s do incredible things! And by that I mean, awe-inspiring, miraculous feats that make our friends and family proud. Not the kind where you pass out.
Happy New Year, my friends!
-Sally
PS: The mammogram was normal. 😊